now i know why i liked doojoon from the beginning- gongyoo lookalike! it never hit me until now, but i always he looked familiar and that familiarity warmed him up to me very quickly. he gave me a very comfortable feel. no surprise, since i love gongyoo, my birthday twin :D

and apparently, we're beauties now?
as in beauty and the beast.
i'm not sure whether to laugh or be awed.
the girls are happy, the boys not so much.
and there are a hell lot of male beast fans. i'm surprised.

i love yoseob. such a big voice for such a small guy. sure, he has a... unmanly voice but i love him all the same.

his english has improved since then.
so many predebut vids of beast out there. all amazing :D

and... didn't realise how much i missed jay until i saw 2pm's teasers. SEVEN.

so um, obviously i updated my blogskin. its like i only update once per year because thats when the month and a half long holidays roll around.

i chose taecyeon first, because he is the most awesome 185cm creature to grace the earth since yunho. while searching for taecyeon pictures i saw junho and melted, so he's there too. doojoon was an afterthought. theother three are there because.. pfft, do you even need me to explain?

if it isn't obvious enough, i did the header picture by paint in 10 minutes :D
turns out the laptop doesn't have photoshop installed.
oh well, you probably can't tell unless you squint but why would you do that?

any comments?
is it too messy? too powdery light? mujigay?

(anyone get that joke? T__________T
mujigae or 무지개 means rainbow, which everyone knows is the symbol for gheiness. not-so-coincidentally, 무지 muji happens to mean very and 개 gae sounds very much like-
well you get the point.)

i find it cute how people get a kick out of calling me madelyn nonstop when they find out that the "Madelyn Gan" on facebook and the "madelyn_nk@hotmail.com" on msn is actually me since they know me as jiaqian. madelyn is a name i use only online but now i actually have people calling me that in real life. takes getting used to.

i find it amusing how people who normally only see me in school are so surprised when they see me with my hair down. they kinda flail a bit and stutter and stare and then just go in disbelief, "you look so much better like this."
a ponytail and the hideous school uniform is not flattering on me. trufax.

when i was watching strong heart on youtube in the computer lab today (note to self: don't watch variety shows in school. you WILL laugh too loud) , not one, but FIVE people asked me, "korean stuff? again?".
my name is synonymous with korean things.
not surprising, considering the post below...

i also find it funny that my chatbox is mostly filled with conversations with stalkers.
how many of you guys are there? :D
and do i actually know you?

can't believe i actually sang in public.
no matter what you guys say, i still stick firm to the thought that i suck.

-

anyway
am not happy, you guys.

so i was bored amd googled ubk dinner and got into the blog of one of the attendees last night. and from her blog, i went to more form 2s.
out of 10, 9.5 of them are fangirling kpop.

one more time, and i don't care if i sound silly or bitchy, i hate the fact that everyone is into kpop.

because i'm immature
and just to comfort myself

YO, ALL OF YOU.

＊ I have been fangirling since 06. almost three and a half years.
＊ I learned the LANGUAGE for more than two years. That means I can actually understand the songs that they sing and I can watch shows without subs. it also means that i'm making fun of you behind your back.
＊ I have close to 40 Korean albums and more than RM500 worth of official merchandise including tshirts, pencil boxes, badges, bags, lightsticks and other concert stuff.
＊ I have gone airport stalking four times
＊ gone to 4 korean related fansignings
＊ three korean concerts (could've been four, but ftisland cancelled theirs)
＊ been out of the country without parents supervision to watch a concert once
＊ seen at least 15 korean artists live (TVXQ. Superjunior. SS501. Rain. FT Island. 2PM. VOS. Wondergirls. Jewelry. And more)
＊ have followed bigbang, 2pm, 2am, ft island, shinee and a lot more newbie artists since predebut.
＊ can recognise and sing, if not hum along to more than 1000 korean songs. (my computer notes a total of 4000+ korean songs)
＊ can recognise and name a ridiculous amount of artists
＊ can practically give a LECTURE on the happenings of kpop in the recent four years.
＊ I think i know more about recent pop culture than the average korean.

and now i've just proved my lifelessness. ohmygod :|
i feel so pathetic xD
but also a lot better

and before i forget... (and i KEEP forgetting)

Labels: insaneness, rant.

lol! twitter explains each popular topic briefly and look what it has to say about the #whattimeisitnow trending topic!

#whattimeisitnow is a popular topic on Twitter right now.
The leader of Korean boy band 2PM resigned in September, and fans are referring to the intro of the band's album "What Time Is It Now" to tell him it's time to come back. People who aren't fans of 2PM are tweeting the time...

i find it hilarious how some people are just going "3:42pm!" or "time to eat!"

maybe someone will say "TTL (time to love)!"

i realised a little too late that just because a dress is free size, it doesn't mean it fits all HEIGHTS. i see london, i see france, if you get what i mean.

so i have another one. but its a bit... hm?


:D roleplaying is fun!

doing junho in one and jinwoon in another.

but you know me, i can't be innocent
so hah, totally trashing jinwoon's cute fluffy image.
would jinwoon drink?
idk, i think he does.

I have B2ST BEAST's Bad Girl on repeat.
the mv too, even though i normally hate mvs that don't have storylines. (but the mv is so slick and shiny!)
i think bad girl is one of the better debut songs i've heard.
and believe me when i say i've heard A LOT of debut songs.

its weird, I don't fall for newbies that i didn't follow since predebut- ever. (i've known ftisland, 2am and 2pm since they were trainees. and i was one of the first few posters at ast'1's forum, which was the last debutee i tried to like but failed)
but i guess beast doesn't really count, since
a) i loved doojoon in hotblood, even voted for doojoon A LOT
b) i watched all of bigbang's documentaries with hyunseung in it. didn't like him then, don't like him now.
c) junhyang was popping dragon from xing. lol i still remember when they came out they were marketed as the next tvxq . it all went downhill when marumir (love his name) quit.
d) come on, AJ... dancing shoes? which seasoned kpop fan doesn't know him? i much prefer AJ to gikwang though. his name looks horrible romanized.
e) dongwoon is SO cute, of course i noticed his predebut pics with taec and daehun and the other JYPE trainees!
so that leaves one kid, but he was in Aj's song so...

huh. i guess i DID follow them since predebut after all.

i even ranked them up already!
1. yoon doojoon
2. yang yoseob
3. lee kikwang
4. son dongwoon
5. yong junhyung
6. jang hyunseung

lets see if it'll change in the future.
or if i even still like them.

ps. shinee's get down is the most annoying kpop song i've ever heard.
shinee girl would've placed at a close second, but i think there are songs more worthy of that title. really tempted though

→tukutz is officially married and enlisted!
NO EPIKHIGH FOR TWO YEARS.
it hasn't really sunk in yet.
maybe soon.

→KWILL HAS SWINE FLU T__________T
i didn't really care when hyunjoong or yamapi got it (sorry!) but omg kwill.

→they used 트로트 for the mv!!! totally inappropriate but whatever. and high technology too. and as usual, there's blood and/or breaking things. those epik boys sure like morbid stuff. but lol, this time theres not one, but three amazingly hot girls!

→i REALLY want to watch you're beautiful and IRIS

→WONBIN IS BACK OMG SOBS MISS YOU. song sucks but whatever.

→ BEAST!!!!! i looove doojoon but i'm not too fond, okay extremely unfond of seunghyun. their song ain't bad.

→ MBLAQ however. what a disappointment. but i haven't been expecting much since sandara park's bro went in because that guy... is not my thing.

→ still waiting for child of empire! violin guy, i have my sights set on you!

→TTL is just a tweaked sample of choshinsung's previous song, superstar. why doesn't anyone realise that? maybe no one cared enough about css then?

→ damn it, i'll be in japan when they have that 5 hour long concert in singapore.

→ should i go see lee minho in kl or not?

Labels: lists

how appropriate.

INFPs are introspective, private, creative and highly idealistic individuals that have a constant desire to be on a meaningful path. creative, smart, idealist, loner, attracted to sad things, disorganized, avoidant, can be overwhelmed by unpleasant feelings

INFPs do not like to deal with hard facts and logic. Their focus on their feelings and the Human Condition makes it difficult for them to deal with impersonal judgment

.

omg this quote.

'0' 과 '1' 사이, 거리가 너무 멀어...
그래서 '영원'인가봐.
- Tablo

its so fucking awesome.
but you won't get it unless you know korean...

or unless i translate it :D

there's a big distance between 0 and 1.
thats why its forever.
okay that made no sense.

see 0 is pronounced young in korean.
and in english 1 is well, one.

so 01 is youngwon.

and then it struck me-
the crowd of people i feel that i should belong in
they've been there all along.
they think, talk like me. have almost the same interests as me.
(we talked about who topped, hyde or gackt, in the presence of a teacher)

they're the ones with their noses buried in books all the time.

they're right there. exactly what i wanted.

so why do i know i won't fit in?

tukutz. marriage :D enlisting D:
anyway
*

huh. look here. a review of my bro's self released album.

he sent us a copy. its basically a selfmade cd with illustrations and everything. pretty amateurish packaging (in other words, looks like a 12 year old could've done it, but my brother never said he was an artist) but who buys it for the pretty factor?

the music is pretty nice. not exactly my style, but come on, my music playlist mostly consists of overly made up 23 year olds who don't act their age (though i'm trying really hard to deepen my music tastes :D my most played album is eternal morning by pe2ny and tablo. does that count?). its.. postrock. not surprising, since he listens to Explosions in the Skym Mogwai, Godspeed You! Black Emperor, and other similar sounding bands. and he actually has buyers.

maybe i sound a bit too... well, i can't think of the right word at the moment, but i guess you can sense what i mean.
but really, i respect the guy. he's done things i wish i could do, but can never. (i can't exactly spend two months on the road by myself, can i? with my looks, some psycho is just waiting around the corner to pounce on me. i kid.)

we have this system going. we talk but we don't communicate. nowadays, the only way i keep in touch with what he's doing is through twitter. i do my thing, he does his thing, we share the occasional joke and thats it. even when he's being a total bast- jerk, like lately, i don't give him flak.

i think its better that way. at least ONE member of the family doesn't nag him. i think he considers me to be the one closest to his wave length. if he wants to talk politics or economics or tell a joke, he'll come to me because he knows that i'm the only one in the family that will understand him. which means that my sense of humour is dark and twisted and perverted. but still, thats better than having none at all.

he's a pretty cool guy.
i just wish he'll wake up to reality and realize that with the way he's taking things, he's going to wind up with a mob of offended people at his door.

if we believe the mayan prophecy, or the i ching, or the revelation in the bible, or even a creepily accurate web program called the web-bot, there are only 1173 Days more till we perish.

the moon, sun, earth and the milky way will align for the first time in 26, 000 years.

so..

a major climate change similar to that 5200 years might kill us all. the recent natural disasters seem to point at this theory.

if not, Planet Nibiru might crash into us, hence destroying part of, if not all of earth.

Or when the galactic alignment occurs, a black hole will form and suck us all in.

so if we believe it, which i don't, i'm going to die before i turn 20.
and my previous post would never come too.
the future is a scary thing.

do i have big dreams?
unrealistic dreams?

i think i have simple dreams that are harder to achieve than they seem to be.

i am in a nutshell, a self-confessed wannabe.
i want to be anything and everything that i'm not now.
i want to be artistic, to be talented in languages and stocked full with the useless pieces of information you only pick up by experience.

i have a Vision of my future. and it isn't here.
grass is always greener on the other side and all that, eh?

i'd gladly choose a job with a crappy pay but short hours over wealth at a price of 45 hour weeks. i need time for myself, to learn all i can while i can.
i want to learn to paint, to make jewelry, to pole dance (yes, even pole dancing seems awesome), to continue my lessons in pottery that i stopped so long ago.
i want to master korean, japanese, french.

i want to jetset across the world because i drink up cultures of any kind. how do they live? what do they eat?

i want to prop myself up against a tree in a lush green campus, earphones in my ear and scribbling stories and such onto my notepad.

i want more than anything to be drinking a fancy cocktail in a jazz bar, preferably Once in a Blue Moon, because its a really famous (read: overrated) jazz bar.
and what i wouldn't give to party all night in hongdae, hoping in and out of clubs, bars and 24 hour karaoke places.

but thats just a few of many.

i know many people don't share my sentiments. some dream big, aiming for ivy leagues and medical school. some bow down, taking over daddy's business and living a typical 9 to 5 job.

and then there are those people who don't even dream. they don't see the point in furthering their studies beyond the basic few years of college. they think of backpacking, homestays, cultural exchange programs as a waste of time and money. they feel that by doing outdoor activies like camping trips and mountain climbing, we're just feeding the mosquitoes. and worse of all, they are absolutely ignorant, thinking that letting the tap flow while they're checking themselves out in the mirror is perfectly fine, thinking that

people like this won't get very far in life. they'll grow up the same way their parents and grandparents did. they'll pop out a kid or two. continue to suck horribly in english and will be stuck in this failing country for the next 5 generations. there will be no new experiences where they learn a foreign language or an instrument or a skill. they will not pour their heart and soul into creating art, be it in the form of music, paintings or literature.

forever they'll be stuck with their limited views of life. the world they know of is the box they live in. its just so sad to even think about.

what a waste of a perfectly good life.

and she's just right next to me.

Labels: rant.

dear jbomb,

i love you so so so much and you've backflipped your way into my heart but you were right.

they're nuts.

RUN.

the poor kid is probably headesking right now.
i just want some peace and quiet.
/bawls ;A;

...
is this the same industry i fell in love with?

i loved kpop back then because i was sick of the sexual inneundos and repetitive beats in all the songs. girls actually WORE CLOTHES, thank you very much.

and now...

- the music sucks. (don't say it doesn't because you know it does)

- (songs openly talk about sex. remember a certain MINOR singing, "lets make love tonight... get close to me roughly don’t stop"?)

- because obviously, sex appeal>talent. who needs to sing when you can strip? (i'm looking at you, gahee. or afterschool in general)

- though at the same time, censorship is getting ridiculous. (crystal is so obviously referring to sperm. BAN THE SONG)

- the clothes are getting weirder. (its not FASHION, kids. you're wearing a raccoon on your head. period.)

- not to mention rarer. (miryo sweetheart, don't wear your barely there leather pants when you can't pull it off)

- tv networks are getting desperate. (like hey, lets have a show where junjin takes care of 3 wild minors!)

- and really petty. (you promised you'll come on my show and you don't so imma boycott your whole company!)

- netizens are going crazy. (you've killed careers, people, relationships and dreams, started rumours and fights, made countless people depressed. fuck off and get a life.)

- fans are batshit too. (let's rent a jet to fly messages through the sky in seattle because 7-1=0!!!!)

i feel silly because i feel the way people feel when their family/friends/lovers change. you know those stories where one day you wake up and realize you no longer know the person next to you, that he or she is a virtual stranger?

yeah :|

Labels: rant.

you are.
whispering sweet nothings and humming soft tunes,
slowly chipping away at my ever unravelling sanity.

i am.
pulling at the threads, trying to figure you out, cause i know you're right for me to an unshakenable certainty.

but we are.
never meant to be
cause one exists in fantasy and the other in reality.

then why.
do you keep coming back to me, keep giving me hope?
making me look forward to the silence of the night
where i can once again fall into the spell of your voice,
and let you me hold me in your arms,
cause i know you'll never let me go.

what? i don't even know.

i've been having dreams for the past weeks of a faceless boy.
in my dreams his face is so clear and touch so real
but when i wake up the memory blurs and i'm left with this warm bubbly feeling inside of me.

Labels: rant., wordspit.

i was checking the stats of my hit counter thats been there since nov 08'. maybe its because i don't talk about real life stuff, which means real life friends almost never come in, so the hits are only 11,200+.

(though if you think about it another way, 10,000 (minus the 1000+ real life friends) that i don't know have read this is a year :DDD)

so i get an average of 20 hits a day, of which 15 are new visitors. in mid june this year though, i had a sudden spike in hits, with around 700 hits a day, of which 634 are new visitors.

no idea why the sudden visitor spike happened, since june was a really boring month.
december got a lot of hits too, but maybe because its the holidays.

:D

I NEED TO BUY [e].

not the drug, the album, but it might as well be, since
epik high- my ecstasy.

damn it, i want to WRITE, but it's not working, yeah?

Love is, 내 삶의 가장 큰 Business.

The weather is unnaturally cold and you wrap the scarf around you tighter and stuff your mitten-clad hands into your pockets. It’s easy to amuse and distract yourself by blowing mist into the emptiness before you but your eyes keep drifting over to the door of the cafe and your ears are ready to detect the tinkling of the bell hanging over the door.

A young boy skips past you, a leash tangled in one hand. The dog sniffs at you and you offer it your hand. "She doesn't bite," the boy flashes you a smile and lets you have your fill before walking away.

When you turn your attention away from the hyperactive canine, you realize a familiar figure is already in front of you, book tucked under his arms, earphones snugly hidden under tousled black hair. Your reaction is almost automatic and your feet break into a run. You skid to a stop a few feet away from him and slow down your steps before you approach him, not wanting him to know you ran. To see him. "Hey."

He pauses and turns around, a few strands of hair escaping free in the process, sweeping across his sculpted face. His hand brushes them back into place. "You," he says, delight and amusement detectable in his tone. He makes it sound like he's a 10 year old child and you're his new toy. You don't even mind.

"Me," you echo, drawing in ragged, heavy breaths, chest heaving up and down.

If he knows you've been running -and how could he not, with your shallow breathing and flushed face-, he doesn't show it. "Hyukjae." Not a question, but a statement.

You feel little snippets of joy blossoming somewhere in you because he remembered your name but you push it down. You have pride; you have to stop sounding like a lovesick little- "You remember," you trill, words leaving your mouth before it registers in your head.

"Yes, I do." He smiles at you and you smile at him and it’s an almost awkward silence until he speaks in a rather formal kind of way, "Well, Hyukjae, I'm about to go in for a drink. Care to join me?"

You don't even answer; you're already pushing open the door.

Labels: rant., wordspit.

i like to think a lot and then write detailed essay-like things about everything in my life.
almost like a biography, but its meant to
let me know myself better
improve my writing
improve my observation skills.

doing this helps me be clear about my life and it helps me to organize my thoughts and feelings.

i have a million of these things everywhere, from posts in this blog or livejournal to various scribblings on the numerous notebooks i have lying around.

for example, i now know i am amaZingly lucky.

i grew up perfectly happy in the kind of families you read about in books- healthy, no bickering, comfortable income.
i didn't know what dysfunctional meant until later on when i saw the people around me, and then i truly realized that i am extremely lucky.

i am given an extraordinary amount of trust and freedom.
i can go out anytime i want as long as i tell my mom where i'm going to be.
my mom okays all of my fangirling trips, from fansignings to concerts to airport stalking, on the condition that it isn't her who drives me to all these events.
staying overnight in the city with just a few friends? fine. going to singapore with another underage friend? fine.
you're only young once, she tells me. she's the one that encouraged me to tag along with my friend to stalk dbsk at the airport, because she's not the one that has to drive me there.
i can also skip school whenever i want, provided that it isn't too frequent.
she's even fine with me drinking because she knows i exercise good self control. its not like i'm glugging down 6 beers at once. once a month or maybe more, we pop open a bottle of red wine or each grab a small bottle of vodka and drink to a movie. and most of the time, i'm the one stuck finishing the remaining drinks because i'm the best drinker in the house. (my brother is probably better; i wouldn't really know, he's in america, milking fun out of life to every drop)

i can do all that, and some of the other parents won't even let their kids watch a movie without adults.

when i tell people this, it sounds like i'm a spoilt wild child, never returning home and spending time at clubs. on the contrary, i've been accused of being an omchinddal too often. omchinddal is a korean abbreviation for mother's friend's daughter. you know how your mom always compares you to her friend's kid who's always getting good grades and polite and active? yeah, the kid's a omchinddal right there.
sounds like blatant narcissism, but hey, its the truth. (okay, maybe mixed with a little narcissim)

i'm given all the freedom i want and i don't use it to my advantage.
i guess the more you restrict someone, the more he rebels.

Labels: rant.

rl friends: are you sure its a bright idea for me to sing? i can make glass shatter.
(by swiping it of the table but nonetheless, still making it shatter.)

and about the jaydrama:
seriously now.
hottests, sweeties.
i know you're hating on jyp and all, but GIVING UP A CHANCE TO HOLIDAY WITH NICKHUN? RETURNING 1000 ALBUMS?
that. is just plain silly.
by saving one kid, you're hurting the rest.
but since you're holding ELFs as your role model, sure, go ahead, the next thing to do is to buy jyp stocks.
and why not go one step further and post an advertisement like cassiopeia did?
2pm are humans too >:|
yes/yes? :D

i browsed through 2pm/shinee's predebut pics and gah.
i would POUNCE on junho anytime.
taemin WAS adorable, but he's not now. so that means i choose 9 year old taemin over (legal) 16 year old taemin. if i wasn't his age, it would just cement my status as a pedo.

just wanted to do a short song rec, specifically songs that the younger batch of stars have covered. anything that has been covered repeatedly can't be bad right?
(the asterisks * are the links to the vids)

노을 - 인연 (noel- ties)
god this song is so wonderfully perfect. its brilliant.
* 2pm doing a cover of it. pkay performance.
i HIGHLY recommend this.

이적- 다행이다 (leejuk- its fortunate)
this song is the CLASSIC LOVE SONG. everyone loves this song.
covered by hyunjoong, k.will,wooyoung, eunteuk
* kwill's is the closest to the original (and uh, obviously the best singer)

G.O.D - 촛불하나 (one candle)
* a lightly remixed 04'performance by G.O.D themselves.
this is a nice remix, but nothing beats the original. 2am and 2pm has covered this.

임재범- 고해 (im jaebum- gohae)
the original singer's voice is really scratchy and hoarse but its soothing anyway.
a million people have sang this: lee seunggi, gongyoo, eeteuk & eunhyuk, sg wannabe, mc the max, tei...
* kim jinho from sg wannabe's version is really heartfelt

정엽(jeongyeob)- nothing better
jonghyun from shinee, seulong from 2am, nickhun and a few other stars have sang this.
* nickhun singing it :D

체리필터- 낭만고양이 (cherry filter- romantic cat)
this. i know this song by heart, but its really hard to sing. great song to rock out.
performed by younha, taeyeon, ft isalnd, sungmin and sooyoung
* davichi probably pulled it off the best, thought they were a little noisy in the intro

바이브 – 사진을 보다가 (vibe- looking at a picture)
yesung, ryeowook, youngsaeng have each sung this a few times.
* youngsaeng's version. yesung's version was awesome, but i like this too :D

TAKE- Butterfly Grave
i think only eunhyuk, yesung, sungmin and eeteuk have covered this, but its a beautiful song, so here goes, * okay, they did a pretty crappy job but its a great song!

Labels: song rec

wank memes: its like watching a cheesy horror flick- painful to look at, but impossible to tear your eyes away.
reading wank kinda makes me feel funny, like i-ate-something-wrong-ho-shit-i'm-gonna-hurl funny. but really, why can't i stop?

damn. thats how i spent my night.

and yeah,

hey jay, you might wanna start asking your fans to stop defacing public property? idk, go hey kids, i'm going to take a break now because i'm sick of all you guys (well, not all of you but just a few of you. i see you guys >:|) asking me to kill myself and i know you love me (loves you too *hugs*) but i think i'll chill out at home with my family who won't pick me apart for everything i do for the moment.
or something less gay.

just so we'll stop being hysterical.

plzntq.

so i'm pissed. and sad. and shocked. and crushed and in disbelief and all these other emotions rolled into one dangerous bundle.

fuck y'all, antis. get a life. have pitiful social lives and can't get laid? take it out on someone else, you no lifers.

ts just one bad news after another. but this time i'm taking it way worse than tablo's (my obsession for two years) marriage. its effecting me more than it really should.

but god, i'm so SAD. ;A;

JAY CAN'T FUCKING LEAVE.

jaebum, jay and wooyoung are trending topics on twitter. thats insane.

tablo's getting married D:
and having a child.

see, i freaked out a little just now but i'm all cool now. really.

we've known this day would come since they started dating and i foresaw this a few days ago.

tablo twittered that he had good news a few days ago and i twittered back "does good news include marriage?"
AND IT DOES. who knew it included a child? D:

see, this is the importance of protection :|

srsly now, tablo and babies? do you really think that'll work? xD remember that pic of blo with baby and he's all like, shit what do i do now?

Labels: tablo

just came back from the autograph session!

its a little smudged now D: but look at my name lol. his words kinda look like mine.

 

i got jungmin's signature.
jungmin is the best, friendliest celeb i've ever seen!
(well maybe apart from donghae, since hae held my hand voluntarily :DDD)

anyway, by far the most organized fansigning i've been to, and i've been to quite a few. the only drawback was that we could see them only for an extremely short while. i only had a glimpse of hyungjoon and i didn't even see youngsaeng.

i got there two hours early (normally i go even earlier, but sis had college) and obviously, i had underestimated the number of fans. there were already at least 500 people ahead of me. luckily, i chatted a  few lines with someone the night before and got her hp no so she offered to buy my album (stupid cheap taiwanese edition and so expensive too!). still don't know her, but i love her so much, really.

this is the first fansigning i've been to that started before the scheduled time. which means EARLY. thats amazing. fansignings are never on time, much less early. it was extremely controlled. we queued up to enter the hotel hall, and in the hall we queued some more to enter the room and in that room immediately we chose the line of the boy we wanted. we didn't have a chance to look at anyone else other than the boy we chose. all in all, once the session started, it only took around 20 minutes for me to be done. efficient :D

crappy pic of hyunjoong.
once in line, it was only a matter of seconds before my turn came so only managed a few blurry pics. no cameras allowed actually. plus, my hands were trembling xD

hyunjoong's line was looong, so long that some were forced to switch lanes, but i have no interest in him at all anyway. i know my target: jungmin. i was in kyujong's lane but i switched with my sis. my album is the ss501 solo collection so jungmin signed it on the cover while my sis' is the 1st album so kyujong signed hers on the huge album booklet.

the last girl barely got off the stage and i was already right in front, beaming at jungmin. you know how celebs have beautiful skin and lovely hair? yeah, so does he. just, gah, his hair was cropped into a straight line and it looked so fluffy under his hat <33

after he greeted me, i said in korean, "oppa, i'm a big fan of yours. can i have a hug too?"
he looked up, smiled the most beautiful smile and said in his strangely girly voice (kinda like he inhaled helium), "hold on for a second~" then he asked me my name. all in korean of course.
i debated giving my korean name, but i thought nah, lets do english, it'll take longer. i have never been so thankful for having a hard name :D
i spelled out my name extra slowly, only saying the next letter when he was done with the last. "j-i-a-q-i-a-n."
he was like, "neh?" a few times, especially when it came to j and q. name done complete with a heart, he signed and wrote thank you.
then he hugged me and patted me on the back a few times :D he's so beautiful. GAH.
it took a pretty long time compared to the rest of the girls. amazing experience :D

late i found out that only jungmin bothered to interact much with fans. the others did shake hands, but some didn't even write the names of the fans or reply. see, the boys i like are never bad :D

here's an extremely unflattering pic of me sweaty from waiting and fangirling lol.

 

Labels: fan account

SS501. salkdlksa OMG OMGOMG
so freaking excited. dying dying. omg
(overused that haha)
how am i going to settle down now?
I CAN'T MISS ANOTHER KPOPPER NO NO NO.
not after 2am.
(JINWOON AH ILU~) but i'm worried. what if i get there too late?
cause i don't know what time sis gets off.

if i had it my way, i'll be airport stalking.

DAMN IT. SHOULD'vE RELEASED THE NEWS EARLIER. I HATE YOU.
(but i also love you so much for bringin them ahhahahaha)

if i miss this i'm going to cry and whine for the next 80 years so you better pray for me if you don't want your ear to fall off D:

can't find some paper.
i need to write these down before it disappears.

♫

"hyung i think its time for a break. you've been at it for hours," kibum says, frowning as he places a gentle hand on donghae's shoulders, trying to shake his hyung out of this phase he's been for -a quick glance at the clock hanging on the wall- four hours now.

donghae takes the pen he's nibbling out of his mouth and mumbles, voice raspy from not enough water and too little speech, "just let me finish this. a little more." he doesn't look at kibum, just focuses on his drawing pad, hands moving furiously across paper as he painstakingly shades in the wings, feather by feather.

donghae seems to be drawing just for the sake of drawing, judging from the way he discards his finished drawings everywhere, papers covered with coffee stains left over from countless mugs of coffee. kibum picks up a drawing and fingers the crisp paper. its his usual subject- angels. brilliant, glowing, magnificent with white wings and flowing gowns. angelic, cherub faces and innocent grins.

donghae reaches for his cup without looking up, fingers blindly reaching around, making several of papers spread across the table flutter to the ground. wordlessly, kibum takes the cup and presses it into donghae's hand. not a single thanks is uttered, but he's used to it by now. donghae's been like this since his father- well, he doesn't like to talk about it.

it explains his obsession with angels but kibum wishes he'd snap out of it soon. he misses the loud chattering about aliens and puppies and the way leaves turn yelloworangebrown in autumn. he misses the bouncing around brought on by a seemingly permanant sugar high. he misses- "donghae."

donghae finally looks up, making kibum's breath catch in his throat at the sight of those long lashes framing his inky eyes. voice void of emotion, he whispers, "perfection. they are the closest thing to perfection there is."

♫

"this sucks," junsu announces as he counts the bills in his hands, their share of the pay for dancing at the opening of a new mall. it isn't much. he giggles and jokes, "really now, ever thought of becoming a stripper? heard it pays well. maybe you'll have to buff up a little, okay, a lot, but i'm sure someone out there likes skinny monkey boys."

hyukjae sighs but a smile tugs at his lips. "money cannot buy happiness but it pays for cable tv." the train arrives, sliding smoothly into place. its late. snagging a place is easy.

hyukjae notices the words before he sees him. he sees the messy words scribbled across the lines of the notebook and squints to make out the scrawls.

this is love, isn’t it?
When you notice someone’s absence and hate that absence more than anything?
More, even, than you love his presence?
- johnathan safron foer

hmm, interesting, he thinks. he looks up to see who the owner of the notebook is-
and finds the prettiest boy he's ever seen.

♫

:D now that i've written it down i feel better. i'm finally writing again! haven't written in ages. will complete this some other day.

Labels: wordspit.